Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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