Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
