The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize