We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
