Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Pooping to opera.
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