OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize