All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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