remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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