I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
