my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
