Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
