you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
