Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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