you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
