mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
What did we do last night that was yellow?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
