its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
