I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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