nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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