please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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