Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
