I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
