And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize