Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
