david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
