We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
