Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
