you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
