K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
