i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
