Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
