I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
