At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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