do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just gift wrapped bread.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
