His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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