You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
