walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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