I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
