dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
