i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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