I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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