i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
