i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
