We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
