I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
