i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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