as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
