I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
