you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize