how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
