You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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