Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
