I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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