yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
it's like heaven, but drunker
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
