so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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