I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
