i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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