I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
