Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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