is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
