There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
