I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
