It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
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