What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
