so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Randomize
