Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
