Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
