someone threw a dead crab at me
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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