why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
