There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
My balls are so social today.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
