I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize