I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
