am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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