come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
