you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
